For Christmas my husband got me a new laptop, he said that maybe it will help me write more. Is he not the sweetest? If you have read my other post you know that for some reason my other typing device lacked punctuation, making it hard for everyone to know how excited I was!! Well now you can know and I am about to excite you… wait for it…
HOT CHOCOLATE AND WINE YA’LL!!!!!! I am 31 and never thought about putting them in the same glass, I’m very ashamed! So over the Christmas break the weather has been complete nonsense. I’ve been sick for what seems like forever because the South cannot get it’s shit together! For the love of all that is holy pick a temperature! If you want to be 20, then be 20 and stick to it, I cannot handle 20 one day and 70 the next, my nose is so pissed off! Sitting here on a day that is cold, misty, and dreary out so what shall we do? Curl up on the couch with some hot chocolate and make it a movie day duh! Oh but wait I also want wine.. what shall I do? So I go to trustful Pinterest and look up hot chocolate wine recipes and bingo, the screen is alive with magical beautiful recipes!
Hold up a minute Pinterest, what is this nonsense about melting chocolate in a pan and simmering with milk, careful not to burn bullshit? Look, I’ve been in pajamas since… well days now and I haven’t showered in a hot minute either so what makes you think I want to stand over a pan and monitor this nonsense? Here is what I did, if you have a Keurig then take the hot chocolate Kcup (seriously if you don’t have one just get one, you can find them for like 40$ now ) so my Keurig made my hot choclate for me then I added a bit of milk to it, a few chocolage chips for richness and red wine.. out of the box because I’m classy AF. Then I popped it in the microwave just to melt the chips for like 40 – 50 seconds and bam! There was my delicious hot chocolate wine.I used a red wine that wasn’t sweet but not dry, it was a berry wine and the taste of the red ripe berries went perfect with the rich chocolate. You are welcome, enjoy! Also if you do not have a Keurig maybe try this with the hot cocoa package mix, let me know how that turns out. Also with this you only have one cup to clean verses a pot with melted chocolate in it, Pinterest -0 on this one Meg-1!!
I want to thank my friend Sara for this recipe. She was unsure if i would like it, but I loved it as did my husband. Although he was probably just happy to not be eating something spicy for once. This dish is easy and has a bit of a sweet tang to it. When I asked Sara what type of rice to use with this she got all fancy on me. I think she said something like ” well I’m Filipino, I have rice maker, I don’t play around with my rice, but you go ahead and just get whatever bag or box of rice you want” or some shit like that. I love her but maybe I would love her more if she made me some of this amazing homemade rice! Hint hint Sara!!
Lets Begin with the ingredients. You can use chicken, beef, or pork with this. I was looking for a pork loin, which was a big ordeal when I went to the store, I had to call Sara so she could walk me through the meats, turns out Kroger was out of them.. sigh. So I got these butterfly boneless pork chops because I was looking for the most meat for the cheapest, this was almost 2 lbs for a little over $7. I did not want to use chicken bc ya’ll know how I feel about chickens but also because this was going to be cooking all day and chicken dries out easily.
Rice Vinegar Roasted Garlic, regular vinegar,lite soy,chicken broth, small white onion, garlic, bay leaves(not pictured)
Put meat in crock pot
The recipe calls for a cup of vinegar. I saw the roasted garlic in the store and had to have it, since the recipe has garlic in it i figured why not? Feel free to use just regular vinegar, that is fine; I poured almost 1 cup of the garlic vinegar then the regular vinegar until I reached 1 cup ( look at me measuring shit ya’ll!) Pour vinegar over meat. Measure out soy to 1/2 cup, use the soy that has the least amount of sodium in it, if not it’s too salty with the vinegar. Pour soy over meat.
Next I added about half a can of chicken broth just to keep the meat MOIST, haha got ya!
Next I added a spoon full or so of garlic and the chopped up white onion as well as black pepper. Stir/ spread the onion and garlic around evenly.
Last step was to add a few bay leaves on top. I left them whole did not crush them up. I then put the crock pot in the fridge to sit over night and then turned it on in the morning before work, cooked on low for 8 hours. If you are not doing this on a work day you can do it on high for 3-4 hours and not have to prepare it the night before. When I got home from work the meat shredded up so easily.
Remove bay leaves before serving
Cook your rice, I used white rice from a box, It cooked in about 7 minutes. Put your rice in a bowl and scoop your meat and sauce out onto your rice and that’s it! Dinner is served with little to no hassle and cleanup! You can make your sauce thicker by adding cornstarch, flour makes it too lumpy. You could also forgo the rice and use the meat for tacos or nachos! This fed us for two night so you could switch up the dinners, one night do rice and meat in a bowl and the next night nachos!
New zoodle recipe ya’ll! If you have not tried to zoodle yet, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? It is so easy and delicious and hello replaces noodles! I tried to do a better job taking pictures of the ingredients and step by step instructions, again I do not measure.
Now I have a slight fear of chicken so I cannot prepare it. I found this bag of chicken over in the breakfast meat area in Kroger. I am so happy to found it! I have used it in salads and other recipes and it has made my life so much easier with the no prep chicken! Now I grabbed the southwestern bag, I did not even know I did this, usually I get the plain, but this worked too.
Shrimp- Usually I get fresh or the bag of 50-60 count medium cooked for $7.99. However, Kroger was out so I grabbed the bag of salad shrimp. I am not a huge fan of these, they cook up to small, they are best for a cold salad. You can also do this recipe with chicken only or with shrimp only but because I am making this with zoodles it does not fill you up like noodles would so I like to double the meat for protein and to keep the belly full to avoid snacking!
I began by taking the chicken and pouring a bit of cornstarch and Tony’s spicy seasoning into the bag, shake bag to cover chicken.Put chicken in pan over medium-high heat and start to fry it up, I did not add any oil or butter to the pan, it cooks on its own.
Next I added some onion, a small white onion. Peel, cut and throw in Ninja for chopping, again if you don’t have a ninja close this down and and go buy one NOW!
Add the onion to the pan and cook with the chicken. Let those cook together and sip on your wine, watch your Bob’s Burgers, flip the laundry etc.Then add you’r shrimp and stir it all up. Next I added sauce. I have done homemade cream sauce before which you can do or grab a bottle of whatever cream sauce you want from the store for a lighter version. This cream sauce was I think 60 calories or something like that. I did not use the whole bottle, I used about half of it, it’s all about preference.
Let all this simmer on low while you do your zoodles, then add zoodles to the pan and let them cook about 7-10 minutes with everything. After letting them cook together I added black olives and crushed black pepper. I used 4 small -medium zucchini’s. If they have big ones then it would have just been 3.
You are done!! One pot, one mess to clean, delicious! Yes the husband liked it too, his only complaint was I made it too spicy. Now time to put it in a bowl and relax with some yumminess!
So now that I have a t.v of sorts set up in my kitchen, I’m enjoying cooking more than I have… well ever. I can only get Netflix, Hulu, Amazon on it, but that is fine, it is mostly what i watch anyway. I usually watch Friends while I cook, there is just something about having them on that keeps me in a good mood. I guess they make me feel not so alone. I have been toying for a while about a recipe blog, I figured I will start here. I have been watching Dinner at Tiffani’s on the Cooking Channel, it has Tiffani Thiessen, ( if you do not know who she is, get off my blog!! ) cooking and inviting her friends, her recipes are simple to follow yet amazing. I have yet to try one but they look amazing. I thought about recording myself while I cook but I am not near as cute as Tiffani and also it would interrupt my t.v watching.
My friend Adrienne introduced me to this veggie spiralizer,
it is a Soft works product from Target and I fell like it is going to be a total game changer. There are several different versions, but I went with the same one she did since I know it worked well for her. I am also not a very organized cooker and rarely measure things, so just deal with that, it’s worth it. I took some pictures along the way to try and capture the ingredients.
Zucchini- 3-4 of them
Butter – unsalted about a spoon full. (just to put in pan and saute meat in)
Garlic- I used minced from the jar. You can use any type you want, this is just easiest
Shrimp- medium 51-60 count
Cajun sausage – chopped up
Whipping Cream- 1 1/2 cups. You can also use light Alfredo sauce instead if you want
Can of diced tomatoes season with basil.. there was another season on the can I do not recall it, doesn’t matter, any can of maters will do.
Shredded Parmesan cheese
Jar of sun dried tomatoes
Creole seasoning, garlic powder, crushed red pepper , season salt, black peppercorn (pepper)
Step one: Heat pan, add spoon full of butter. Add in shrimp, creole, garlic – let this saute while you chop sausage.
Step two: Chop sausage, chop onion ( I use a ninja), chop sun dried tomatoes (ninja) watch Friends, sip wine
Step three: Add sausage to pan. Add in chopped onion and sun dried maters, pepper, garlic powder, crushed red pepper, a dash more of creole and a pinch of seasoned salt. While you have the sun dried tomato jar out take about oh.. two tablespoons of oil from jar and add to pan. Let this simmer all together. Again I do not measure so add these seasoning to taste, I like spicy, some do not.
Step 4: Get your veggie spiralizer out, wash zucchini, set it on spiralizer and twist. BAM you have your Zoodles!! They are beautiful spiral of carb free noodles!!!!!
Step 4: Take can of tomatoes and empty into you’r ninja or whatever you use to chop (seriously get a ninja) I spun this in the chopper until it was no longer tomatoes but tomato sauce.
Step 5: Add tomato sauce and you’r whipping cream or Alfredo sauce to the pan. Let simmer and thicken. Drink wine, check laundry, fix lunches, etc
Step 6: Add zoodles to pan, add Parm cheese- however much you want and cook for about 7-10 min covered. This will get everything all nice and flavored together as well as cook the zoodles a little. They will feel just like regular pasta in your mouth hole!
I am going to go ahead and apologize because this blog post will not be funny. There is a lot going on right now, work is crazy right now, so many changes going on there and they all make me feel a little uneasy. Home life.. well home life is, it’s a sad place I am trying to brighten it up with flowers and sunshine. I’m trying to attract butterflies to a place where moths gather. People ask me all the time how is everything, how is work, how are you and Bryan? The thing is we can make things look fine, we have new vehicles, we put on smiles and show up at events and I say fine, we are fine, work is fine, everything is fine, same ole same ole and some days this is true but for the most of the part right now things suck. The truth is I rarely have the energy to even get into how everything is or isn’t so I just don’t
And of course as usual I know that a million people have it worse, I get it, I do. I count my blessings every day and I am working on trying to become a more positive person, if not for just me but for my husband too. Most people get married and spend the next few years working on how to be married, how to adjust to living together, bills etc. We have been married almost three years now and yes we are still dealing with some of the issues of being newly weds but we have skipped out on that sweetness of being newly weds and here is why. Most people within the first year or three of marriage have not lost 8 loved ones. EIGHT!!! This does not include friends we have lost, just family. If you count in my grandma ,who we lost to pancreatic cancer before we got married, plus the two friends I have lost this year to suicide and murder, plus the loss of a dog and a bunny… that is a total of 13 loved ones in the past 5 years or so. This my friends will take a toll on you and your marriage. I love my husband so very much and it breaks my heart all day every day that there is not a damn thing in the world I can do to change what has happened to him or within him. People who know him know that he has always been giving, friendly, the life of the party, full of laughter and love. I am scared he is losing all this and I don’t know how to get it back, what is worse I know that I can’t get it back for him. it is a fight he will have to fight and though I am by his side I cannot do it for him. His eyes have glazed over, the smile is forced at best, his heart is numb. Everything that has happened has numbed him, I get it because I have done it myself. Sometimes life throws so much at you that you have to numb yourself so you can still function on a daily basis.
I am someone who gets super mad when I cannot fix something. I need to do something and when I cannot, I get mad and sometimes I take it out on him. Sometimes I yell at him and I know I shouldn’t but I do it out of a place inside me that is full of panic because I feel out of control with this situation. So I rearrange tupperware cabinets, I work on the yard, I plant flowers, I mow, I clean, I hot glue things together just to watch them melt and fall apart in the sun, and I cook and force him to eat, I do all this because these are things that I CAN do and I have to do something. Then there is this weekend, Mother’s day. I took my mom out last weekend so that this weekend I could be with Bryan and try to shield him of the pain of this day. I get that I cannot do that, but if I could put on some sort of Harry Potter coat of invisibility that would make us disappear for just the one day, I would. I have done research and how to handle Mother’s Day with no mom and I don’t know if they have been helpful or just more painful. I cannot imagine losing one parent, much less two and much less within a few years of one another. I am super close to my mom and dad and spend almost more time with them than I do my friends. The thought alone of losing them kills me and puts me in a dark place. I tell Bryan if it were me I would be in an institute rocking in a corner in a white coat. He has done so well, but maybe that is the problem. I would like to break him down to his rawness. Where the armour is down where he feels so much he breaks, not because I want this for him but because I am afraid that without it he may not be able to smile again, not a real smile that comes from his heart anyway. I am afraid I will never see his eyes light up with humor or mischief again. I want to break him to build him back up again. I want to be able to feel his love, I want him to be able to feel mine. I want him to reach for me instead of pushing me away, I want him to want. But when you block yourself from feeling one thing, the pain of loss, you eventually will block out all feelings and you will just exist. This weekend we were supposed to go to a wedding and stay in town. Change of plans we are heading to the cabin. In being there I hope for healing. There is no other place that is as magical as the cabin, not even the beach, The peacefulness of it, being with nature, feeling the water, the sky, the rocks, seeing bald eagles, something there just has a way of creeping into your soul and patching it up piece by piece.
Maybe once we get through this and I don’t know when that will be, maybe we can experience the newly wed phase and maybe it will be even sweeter because of what we have gone through. Going through a lot does take it’s toll but I think (I hope) that it will somehow bring us closer, that we will know each other even more. Sometimes I feel we are pushing each other way because of everything that has happened and as much as I try to sympathize with him and understand him, the truth is I cannot because I have not lost a parent. I have lost loved ones but not a parent and that is something that cannot be compared to anything else. I pray every day that God helps him because I cannot, that he somehow guides him to where he needs to be and that maybe somehow he can have contact with his mom. I pray to help us get closer, I pray for strength to not be mean and for patience. I pray for faith to rule me and not anger, I pray because it is something that I CAN do and I have to do something. I will fight and I will do anything it takes to have Bryan be not just Bryan again but a better Bryan, a Bryan that survived all that was thrown at him and came out the other side with hope and not anger.
As for my work life…. I like what I do and I love my co-workers. But it has changed me, I feel like I’m not as nice, I am not as patient, I feel like it has marked my soul, made it heavier. But this is an issue for another time, when things are better. Maybe one day I can just pet dogs and try to find them homes and write amazing things from my couch and hope that someone reads it and feels something. Maybe one day I can work on piecing my soul back together. For now I will leave you with some quotes and maybe a picture or two.
5/12/2016 I hate to do this but I need to add an addendum. My cousin Casey was killed yesterday. Not sure what happened yet, still under investigation. He is from Montana and is my age. He is leaving behind his young sweet wife and their two young kids. He was an outdoors man, a fisherman, a hunter, a provider, he was good, he was too young and too good. I look around me and I know this is wrong but I can’t help but think, why not the drug addict, why not the rapist, why not the pedophile, why not the person who doesn’t care or value life, why not someone who does not contribute to society? Why him? Why the good? Why the young? Why the one who was needed? It’s too much, this week is too much. We need some good, we need some prayers,we need something.
I have written this blog twice in my head already. Most my blogs get written in my head and are brilliant. The problem is I am usually in the shower, driving, or some other nonsense where I cannot write anything down. Also I have usually been drinking, it’s then that I am at by best as far as writing goes, as far as my behavior… not so much. By the time I sober up and get to a place I can write my brilliance is gone. It really is sad, so forgive me for this blog, it is not my best.
Actually you know what! Fuck that you deserve my best. So this will be continued in about..6 1/2 hours. See you then my friends!
Aaaannndd Im (I really want to put an apostrophe in that Im but I seriously cannot find it on my keyboard. In my defense its new and tiny) back bitches! As I was saying,I used to be skinny. I always had a big ass but everything else was skinny.In high school I did not understand why it took girls with bigger figures to find clothes that fit right. My apologies, because now I more than get it. I loathe clothes shopping,it takes forever to find anything! I have to decide which body part can show because it is very hard to wear something that hides the belly, arms, and tummy. So I try to draw attention to the boobs because maybe then you will not see everything else that is rolling around in there! I honestly think it is harder going from skinny life to thick life rather than always being thick because I know what it is like to be the other way, I know how easy it was. Most of all I know how much better I felt physically and mentally, as we get older it is a for real struggle. I have embraced the fact that I will never again be thin, I appreciate my curves, but I do know when it is time to reign them in. When my back begins to hurt, when my breathing is labored then im like shit gym time. I loved kick boxing, loved it. but I can no longer afford it which sucks. For my wedding I lost 20 pounds and was the smallest I had been in a minute. But it took work! I worked out 4 days a week and the food I ate.. it was so sad and I was so mad all the time!I know I can do it but shit those drinks and cheese dip ya;ll! Plus now I am married and like I am doing good to brush my hair and wear pants so back off, am I right> seriously I cannot even find the question mark on this thing, who makes a keyboard with no question mark,this is complete nonsense!
I feel like I am getting of track. Here is my point. As I have joined the curvy group I realize that most of my friends are smaller than me. They are all beautiful and amazing women, some are thin, some are not. I am not and the thing lately that has been driving me insane is listening to all the negative comments we all say. Every time I hear one of my skinnies say they need to diet or that they need to lose weight or anything like that I literally want to sit on them with my fat ass and let them beg for air and say they are skinny till they get the picture. It drives me crazy!!! I wish I was their kind of fat! It is like that saying … holy shit this thing has no quotation marks! Now I am going to be sued for plagiarizing because I have no quotations. Well I might be if anyone read this blog but no one does so I may be ok. Where was this thing made>>>>>>( remember these are my questions marks) Anyway it is like that quote: I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat. It is so true! It is a constant fight and I want to know when we as women will stop valuing ourselves at the scale. Sometimes I glare at my skinny friends because they are so cute in their skinny outfits and life must be so much better for them and men must love them and they probably get paid more because they are thinner. I get this may not be true and it may all be in my head but sometimes when I look at ya;ll this is what I think. I love you all so much but I swear if I hear anything about you needing to lose weight I will shove some brownies all up in your cake whole. I can say all this because I was there, I was you!! I was thin! Now im curvy and sometimes it is so fucking great and sometimes I cry at night. It is what it is. The thing is we are all different and we are all struggling with self issues but it is so hard to remember this when I am trying on clothes and with every outfit I say to myself : this would be so cute if…. if I was thinner. It is hard to love yourself everyday, but we have to try because we are worth it. Every single one of us, all of us are worth more than what we see.
I want to do better and sometimes I do. Sometimes I eat salad,work out, drink water, and lose weight and sometimes, more often than not I drink too much and snack to much. I remember when I was skinny and was hungry, sometimes I would be like I will have a bloody mary that is good enough bc I cannot eat and drink. Sure I was skinny but was I healthy> Feeling healthy is the most important. We need to find a balance and incorporate it into our life. I know it is hard, I fight it every day and lose because I eat lunch surrounded by beautiful fit people and they do not carry lunch the way my body does but at the end of the day they love and accept me, even when my butt crack is hanging out.Ladies I blame you bc its easier but I know I shouldnt dip my chips in ranch just because you do, you just make it look so damn tasty!
Thanks for reading this in spite of my lack of question marks, apostrophes, and quotations. I will look for them tomorrow and see where they have gotten off to.
For humor reasons I am posting a few text messages I sent to Bryan earlier. He finally called me after the third message.I am also posting the effect cheese dip has had on me, your welcome.
Also here is a beautiful quote I found this summer: She began to measure herself in contentment and laughter rather than inches and pounds.